Restoring Love

There are consequences to gender inequality in Christian culture that reach further than who stands on the pulpit.

Divorce, the brevity of dating relationships, promiscuity and other occurrences are tinged with the lack of respect in relationships. Despite lessons of God’s love, Christians are not immune to verbal and physical abuse. Throughout history, the belief that a group is not equal has led to devastating results. Christians are no different.

The belief that men are dominant in the workplace, physicality, the home, and the church is a misconception. Secular media reinforces the subordination of women through objectifications often found in sitcoms, films, and music. The media places more emphasis on beauty than intellect, and endows men with the privilege of defining who is beautiful.

Insecurities clutter women’s perceptions of themselves. According to some Christian interpretations, a woman’s purpose is to live in submission to man and God (who is also portrayed as male). Relationships serve as a gauge of worth.

Women may slip into the cycle of doubting personal intellect and spirituality. The pressure to be attractive adds to the tendency to equate male approval with worth. If she gives in to sexual pressures, she is plagued with guilt and lowered self-esteem.

A woman may also seek to find her own worth by diminishing the role of her partner, tipping the equilibrium to another imbalance. Dating can be a battle of control on both sides. Relationships are the tool young adults often use to find themselves. There are no real role models in the world so the problem perpetuates itself.

The resulting dysfunction proves that a romantic relationship cannot work when equality is not present. Intimacy becomes a façade and trust is distorted. A relationship can only work if both are equal and in equal submission to God. “Do two walk together unless they have agreed to do so?” (New International Version, Amos 3.3).

While the current state of dating is dismal, young adults are conscious that a change must occur. What once were whispers are turning into shouts for a love revolution. Simple concepts such as ‘God is love’ are being pulled off the dusty shelf, while stark tradition is tossed to the side.

Conversations between Adventist (and ex-Adventist) young adults are progressively open and tolerant. The recognition of these recurrent problems is challenging our generation to not end in divorce like so many of our parents.

Every tradition once followed without question is argued, disputed, and measured for relevance. If a facet of “Adventist culture” is found to be unrelated to salvation and love, it is labeled as optional or completely disregarded.

Inequality stems from the absence of love. While problems resulting from fractured definitions of gender roles don’t account for all modern dating woes, fixing these roles is one step closer to rebuilding.

Only when all are respected equally can we give and receive the love God intended. God is perfect love and our culture has strayed from portraying that. Our bodies are temples—a sanctuary of love.