How to negotiate: “Never Split the Difference”

When someone first recommended this book to me I’ll admit I was a bit skeptical, partially because of the title. “Never Split the Difference” sounded like a bulldozer approach to negotiating which just didn’t interest me. Another reservation I had was that I'm an English major, not a business major, so I couldn’t help but wonder, will this information be useful to me? Still, I kept running into this book. After another friend recommended it, I picked it up.

After reading it I am persuaded that yes, this information is incredibly useful to me and it will be to you regardless of your major. Chris Voss was a lead FBI hostage negotiator. It was his job but he also sees it as a daily part of life. In the beginning of the book he writes “Life is negotiation.” Every day we negotiate with bosses, classmates, significant others and sometimes even ourselves. Our negotiations definitely look different than hostage negotiations. There is a lot less on the line, but the same principles still apply.

The problem is that many people, my past self included, still have the wrong idea of what good negotiating looks like. Most people think it looks like holding your ground, ignoring other peoples’ requests and always pushing your point. Not so. Voss' approach is actually anti-bulldozer. In the first chapter he writes that “emotions and emotional intelligence would have to be central to effective negotiation, not things to overcome.” His premise to negotiations is understanding. Understanding the other person you are working with is ultimately how you reach an agreement.

This book makes the tools for understanding the other party accessible. There are outlines and summaries offered at the end of chapters so that it is easy to review. The chapters cover active listening, mirroring, silence, calibrated questions, tactical empathy and the mysterious concept of black swans. Warning though, this book isn’t one to just sit on the shelf and collect dust. The concepts it presents have to be reviewed and practiced almost daily. I’m still a long way off from being a good negotiator, but the book really changed my perspective on communication and provided a lot of insight into my daily interactions with people.

My final reason to read the book is that it’s just fun. It contains stories of high stake business ventures, bank robberies and gangs that have the reader on the edge of their chair all while presenting different negotiating tactics. Some of Voss’s personal story, starting with his beginnings as a volunteer suicide hotline operator, is woven throughout the book. If you want a fun and effective way to improve your communication skills this book is a must read.

By Sierra Lastine