The Hannah/Daniel showdown: 25 enter, but only two may leave

Last year, the residents of Nebraska got to witness a battle of the ages. A legendary showdown known as the “Josh Fight” took place at AirPark in Lincoln. This duel was conceived by Josh Swain as a means to lower the vast population of other Josh Swains across the U.S. The winner of this fight would be crowned the rightful Josh Swain and would be permitted to keep the name, while the losers would be forced to change theirs out of respect for the new, alpha Josh. Here on campus, we have our own problem with many individuals sharing the same name. It’s time we hold our own version of the “Josh Fight.” 

One needs only to search the names Hannah or Daniel in the Peanut Gallery to discover that we are being overrun with same-named individuals. There are ten different students named Daniel on campus, and even more staggering are the fifteen Hannahs. Something needs to be done. 

As we all know, trial by combat has never failed to be the best way to settle any dispute; however, a campus-wide, gladiatorial battle between the two groups might be frowned upon. Rather, the worthiness to bear these names can be proven in a gauntlet of strength, agility and perception-based games. Whoever proves themselves worthy by making it through in that fastest time possible will be crowned the one true Daniel or Hannah. As a sign of respect to the champion, the losers will then be referred to by their last or middle name only until their graduation. The competition shall, of course, be overseen by a neutral party in order to maintain fairness. This third group will be made up of the Calebs, as they are another large group on campus with a whopping eight of them.  

When, where and if this competition shall take place is entirely up to the individuals involved. Do they feel like they have what it takes to take on others who share their name? Would they lose a sense of themselves along with their name if they turn out to not be the best in their group? Are they perhaps preparing for this showdown even as we speak? Who can know but those ten and fifteen individuals who answer to the same name. 

By Caleb Schaber