New year, same you

Rating the New Year's resolutions you already failed

Ah, the new year. It’s a time when everyone decides to turn their lives around and become the best possible version of themselves. Now that we’re a few weeks into the year, most have come to realize that we’ve already screwed up our resolutions. Now that we’re all back to being our same old selves, it’s time to make fun of our far-flung hopes and dreams of being better people by giving an honest rating to common New Year’s resolutions.

Read More: This is such a great idea, and I love it! I’d love to read Percy Jackson again. But alas, here I am reading about how to diagram a sentence. I want adventure! Not these boring textbooks. If only I had time to read for fun. 7/10

Exercise More: It’s a good concept, but I’m still not doing it. Looking good and fit is nice, but do you have any idea how fun it is to be lazy? Binging a TV show while sitting or lying down is the technological gift our ancestors could only dream of. Besides, running sucks. 3/10 

Eat Healthier: I get it; it’s good for you. But you can take the donut out of my cold dead stomach (because I’m definitely eating that thing before the lights go out for good). I’m hungry, and sugar makes me happy. The sweetest banana bread is still not dessert. 5/10 

Learn Something New: Job done, literally right away. I learned that driving your tank down to 40 miles is scary and a really dumb thing to do in the dead of winter, and now I’ve shared that knowledge with you. Congrats everyone! We did it. We’ve accomplished a resolution. 10/10

People put a lot of pressure on the new year. It can be disheartening when you find yourself lagging behind seemingly everyone else. The good news is, we’re all in the same boat, and it really could not matter less. Eat a cookie, watch a good movie, and move on with your life. Make changes when you want to, not when the calendar says you should.

By: Lacey Stecker