Elect your elders

What’s up U-Fam, Big Boss Mason here again with another article. I know it must have been hard having those few days off school which means I left you searching for an article last Wednesday. Well, your wish has been answered and I now have yet another certified banger for you all to read.

As we continue what feels like a sprint through 2024, we get to enjoy many different events that take place throughout the year. The Superbowl had a spectacular ending with the Kansas City Chiefs winning for the second year in a row, and we had a great time eating chocolates thanks to Valentine’s Day. Though the beginning of the year has fun things to look forward to, I’m sure we’re all aware of the dark cloud that hangs near the end of the finish line. In November, we will be having an election to decide which geriatric individual will become the most powerful man in the world. Now regardless of your political affiliation, I think we can all come together and admit that our leaders are getting up there in age, but is this a bad thing?

You know what they say, “With age comes wisdom,” and I think this statement couldn’t be any truer than when it comes to politics. Think about it, we can always count on politicians to make the right decisions when it comes to the lives of the youth of America because they are always sure to put our best interests first. Watching the elderly escalate wars in the Middle East never ceases to put a smile on my face, and the fact that they never have to be anywhere near the fighting they started really puts me at ease. I can only hope that it gets so bad that the draft gets reinstated and I personally could go die to help increase the value of their investments into Blackrock and Lockheed Martin.

Not many people know this but I work with dementia patients very often. I bathe them, help them get dressed, and even help them go to the bathroom. As I support them through their day, I can’t help but think, “Get this man into the Oval Office now.” The best part is seeing that there are about 20 members of Congress who are five years older than the people who need their catheter bags drained every morning.

Ultimately, I think that everyone in Washington only has the interests of future generations in mind and is very forward-thinking when making decisions that could have effects spanning the next hundred years. Make sure to send a warm letter of thanks to your local senior citi- or um, state representative for all the hard work they’ve been doing for our country! (Be sure to use large print.)

By Mason Piva