The Apple Vision for the future

What’s good U-Fam, I’m sure your Wednesday is going great knowing it’s the last day of classes for the week. I bet we’re all gonna use these extra two days effectively, making sure we get plenty of rest. Kidding of course — we’re all gonna stay up late, hang out with friends, and come back Monday having forgotten everything we learned in the last month. Before you go onto all that fun, I’ve got your weekly fix of funny that you just can’t seem to get enough of!

If you’re engrossed in the technology circle, you may have heard of a little thing called the Apple Vision Pro. For all you who haven’t heard of the newest must-have piece of tech from Apple, the Vision Pro is a new VR, or excuse me, “spatial computing device” that promises to revolutionize the way we see our surroundings and communicate with each other. This “spatial computing device” gives you the illusion of having your apps floating on giant glass screens all around your living room. WOW! Now I can have a virtual iPad that floats around me rather than this physical hunk of junk that I wrote this article on.

Oh cool, you can even play music and watch movies on it! This is brand new, never before seen technology! You can even use it to make a 3D persona of yourself that you can use when chatting with others. Have fun with a full 3D scan of my body, Apple! I’m sure there’s no risk of someone getting a hold of this avatar and recreating my voice using artificial intelligence. Apple, you have done it again. This headset can be yours for the reasonable price of $3499! (before tax, of course.)

Is this headset an absolute need for day-to-day life? Probably not, but when your friends are all walking around in a virtual meadow using their Vision Pros, aren’t you gonna feel stupid for not having one? Aren’t you gonna feel small and pathetic with your archaic iPhone 15 Pro Max? You laugh, but ten years from now, you’ll be using your Apple Vision Pro 4 Deluxe to record your child’s first steps and they’ll be looking back into the cold dead artificial eyes projected onto the front of the headset.

You better hurry, they’re taking orders now and even though it's ridiculously expensive, it's worth it so you can prove to all of your friends that you HAVE money and you CAN keep up with the ever-evolving technology world. Thanks Steve Jobs. I hope when you look at us, you’ll be doing it through the 90hz 4k cameras of the Apple Vision Pro.

By Mason Piva