Banquet Prep: Fairytales of the Future

 PC: joblo.com

PC: joblo.com

Nicflix

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This Sunday is banquet! An Enchanted Gala is going to be LIT and in light of it’s LIT-ness, I’m paralleling modern day movies with the storylines of classic Disney tales. If you want to get in the banquet spirit these movies might do the trick!

Disclaimer: SPOILER ALERT — to be fair, it’s been over 12 years since these movies came out so … THAT’S ON YOU.

“Mulan” as “She’s the Man”

This girl being pressured to conform to her role as a “lady” — what else is new — is ironically driven by “fate” to masquerade as a guy in order to save her dreams and/or the people she loves. Her three friends help with her transformation — into complete DWEEB — and she begins her double life eventually becoming a stud, earning the respect of her new friends and crushing on the guy who’s training her — Shang/Channing Tatum … whatchya gonna do?

As per-flippin’ usual, she’s found out, everyone gets butt-hurt, but she still manages to save the day and get the guy in the end.

Take-away: Want a guy to notice you? Dress like a dude and become a BOSS at something he loves, then take off your wig and profess your love to him. 100% success rate.

“Pocahontas” as “Step Up”

Two people from different “worlds” fall in love, much to the disapproval of their families and friends. Even though they’re adorable together, it doesn’t stop some butt heads from trying to tear them apart, making them feel guilty and pointing out all the reasons their forbidden love just can’t work.

One person sacrifices themselves for the well-being of the other — I guess Channing Tatum is the princess in this one? — but then comes back to perform the second best dance number of the “Step Up” series; the first obviously being the last dance in the rain in “Step Up 2: The Streets.”

Take-away: Learn to flippin’ dance!

“Cinderella” as “A Cinderella Story”

This one is pretty obvious, but it’s CLASSIC. A sweet, highschool girl is treated like a slave by her step-family and secretly has this thing with the coolest guy in school, even though he doesn’t know who she is — in 2018, that would be a HUGE red flag, but I guess it was adorable back then? After some flirting and a major turn of events, she gets humiliated, he gets hurt, but they find their way back to each other and lived happily ever … just wait ‘til college crushes their souls.

Take-away: Online dating works, but only if you keep your identity a secret. Everyone loves a good mystery.

Take-away #2: “Never let the fear of striking out, keep you from playing the game.” #KNOWLEDGE

-Your Friendly Neighborhood Movie Guy


Nicholas Morrison is a senior studying graphic design.