Korean Concoction

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Disclaimer: This article is apart of a special April Fools' Day publication called The Mocktower. No factual information is contained within this article.


The 2018 Winter Olympics was arguably one of the most unusual we have seen. The internet had a field day with snowboarder Chloe Kim and her winning moments after she tweeted about it.  But the most surprising development was not only the fact that North Korea participated, but that they united with South Korea to become one united Korean team. This caught most of the world by surprise and was expected to be a great segway into opening up more peace talks between the countries. But that expectation was altered by an event that took place only days after the Olympics. That’s right folks, I’m talking about the fact that North Korea and South Korea are no more. There is only one united Korea now! Families were reunited and borders were disassembled! Former North Koreans now have access to Samsung’s many devices along with the internet, while North Korean military bases have now become tourist attractions where people can rent a tank for a day! 
When the former heads of North and South Korea were asked who would be in charge of leading the new country, they agreed to equally share the burden of leadership. Neither liked the idea of being the President or First Chairman of Korea so instead they have agreed on the title of Captains Korea. Captain Kim Jong Un emphasized how much he appreciates that former South Korea has access to world business and travel that those in the north may now experience. Captain Moon Jae-in, the previous president of former South Korea, has mentioned that the military consolidation has created better-trained regiments and the Koreans from the south now can explore the northern landscape, most of which is being converted to national public parks. 
But how did the two countries not only merge their strength at the Olympics but merge their entire countries? According to Captain Moon, it started off as a joke: he suggested that the Koreans would have a better chance at winning more medals if North and South Korea joined forces. Captain Kim agreed and by the end of the Olympics, Korea had won 17 total medals. Seeing that working together benefited both countries, the leaders decided to apply the same principle to politics. What started as a joke turned out to be the biggest shock of the century!
Hopefully this wonderful news will inspire the rest of the world to follow suit and unite when things look grim. What if North America, Central America, and South America decided that they could all just be one big America? What if all the states got together and became one big State of America? I'm sure that’s one way to solve the California-Texas rivalry. But the greatest benefit of these unions around the world is that war will decline! No one will want to fight amongst themselves, right? 

Wesley Rodriguez-Diep is a sophomore studying international relations.