Huuge World Event Recap
Global Citizen
Hello everyone and welcome to The Apprentice, I mean, the Oval Office. Sorry, sometimes when I work in front of the cameras so much I get confused. I would love to take a moment and tell everyone about the great and marvelous work happening in the world these days thanks to my great and unmatched wisdom!
First, I would like to mention that the economy is doing great and one reason it's great is because of the winning I did with the World Trade Organization on the subject of the European Union! Only my negotiation skills and business experience could make sure that the United States of America stays number one with these trade deals and subsidies. We will make sure the American economy stays making huuuge leaps and bounds ahead of everyone else by taking back taxpayer money.
Also, I would like to thank Turkey for agreeing to the ceasefire against the Kurds who were our other allies just a while ago. Our plan is to make the ceasefire permanent everywhere. We don’t like allies attacking allies, so I placed a very effective series of economic sanctions on Turkey and I believe that after five days they will have learned their lesson and will start to play nice with the Kurds. The sanctions will lift soon and hopefully, we can all go back to getting along.
Hong Kong is still a mess. Those people don’t seem to know what’s going on anymore, while we have China who wants to take control and keep the peace. Yes, I know that they are pro-democracy but they’re pursuing it at the most inconvenient time. I’m still trying to work on reaching a deal that will let us win this trade war with China!
The Amazon is still burning, but that's fine, the trees will grow back. I did not agree to the G7 aide package to help support the fire-fighting. The fires are a natural part of life and the Amazon is a big enough rainforest so it’s not that big of a deal. The Democrats and Liberals want to say that this will negatively affect global warming but climate change isn’t real so there’s literally nothing to worry about!
If you don’t believe me on how great of a job I’m doing, just go and check out some of these fact-checking websites below and you can see for yourself! I am the only one who can lead America to victory so much that the American people will get tired of winning!
Wesley Rodriguez-Diep is a senior studying international relations.