Observing the ‘Society of Adventist Communicators’ Ritual
Hello and much greetings! I’m reporting back to the almighty Tallest! Normally I wouldn’t be making a report if there wasn’t anything meaningful to report on, and there almost wasn’t. The denizens of this filthy rock lead simple, routine lives and almost never do anything out of the ordinary. But while making my regularly scheduled observations on the “people,” I found a group doing something… different. I’m presenting my findings in this very official document, to be broadcasted into deep space!
A group seemed to be heading towards a place called “Albuquerque,” for some sort of event at a large place full of box rooms. Other groups of humans came in droves to the same location, and I suspected that something rather menacing was afoot. The fate of my invasion was obviously in danger. I decided to lay low as one of them and create a counter-attack of genius measures. Over the next few days, I observed this “Society of Adventist Communicators,” their mundane naming schemes, and equally failing attempts to stop the Irken empire.
The convention took place over three agonizingly boring days. During the first they toured various media stations and discussed their agenda. The following day saw the humans displaying various new technologies to film with their cellular phones. Both of these were obviously trying to crack down on surveillance: he who controls the cameras controls the world! The third and final day was very barren of content, but the simple fools did ride a tram up to the top of a mountain. It would make a very conspicuous base. What a waste of time.
The humans seemed to get quite a bit out of it though. Their leader, a “Professor Lori Peckham,” tricked herself into believing this was an enlightening strategic move: “This convention offers outstanding opportunities to increase your skills through workshops and network with professionals in the communication field. It was a highlight to see the Union College students make those connections.” Little did she know she gave me ALL of their inside information as to their ultimate goal! Once again, I have made it that much more easy for the almighty Tallest to annihilate this disgusting dirt clod! So please come soon. Please.
Drew Hickman is a sophomore studying communication.