How to Get Finals Canceled: Ideas That Will Never be Implemented...

To quote Ned Stark, “Finals are coming.” OK, busted. I never watched Game of Thrones, but Google said he said something to that effect. The point is, now is the time to remain vigilant. Finals are a mere two and a half weeks away. Although everyone reading this is wildly confident and prepared, I know we have all fantasized about how wonderful it would be if they were canceled. Although we should never enact our fiendish desires, it can be fun (and therapeutic) to think of ways to cancel them. Thus, I bring you this list of never to be used ideas to get finals canceled.

Create a global pandemic. We already have a template on creating a pandemic that scares everyone enough to send us home for a semester. With an outline already created, it can’t be that hard to recreate. Time it just right so your professors will have to delay finals by at least a couple of days to get them online, if not fully canceled.

Start a fire. We come into this one a little more prepared, as we’ve had firefighters on campus twice this year. However, what if a classroom, one needed to take your final in, went up in flames? Of course, we don’t want anyone to get hurt, but imagine the joy of waking up to find the classroom, and therefore the final, had gone up in smoke. If we’re desperate, we could just set Neb. on fire and evacuate the state.

Get the dog to eat the answer key or test. We all know the-dog-ate-my-homework excuse doesn’t work for students. But what if it worked for professors? If that answer key or copies of the finals disappeared, that wouldn’t be so bad. All you have to do is make sure the papers smell good to the professor’s dog. It couldn’t be easier!

Pull your resources and buy your professors a cruise ticket. What professor would deny a free cruise, even during finals week? Now you have to be clever here. Hand over the ticket to them at the last minute. Then they can’t arrange for finals to be taken with someone else. This is not only good for you, but your professor too.

Should these ideas ever be carried out? No! (Except for the last one; that might be nice.) Still, it doesn’t hurt to imagine life without the stress over finals. Study hard, but don’t worry. You’re going to do great!

Lacey Stecker is a Sophomore

Communications Major from

Noblesville, Indiana