The Diary of a Stressed, Broke and Wimpy Kid: A Day in the Life of a Union Student

Disclaimer: Not all events reflect the author’s actual experiences.

I wake up to the ungodly sound that is the iPhone alarm. I quickly get ready so that I can make it to breakfast before class starts. Thanks to my dwindling cafe account, I get the tub of oatmeal which, coming in at $1 and something cents, is actually quite a deal. Adulting: 1; taste buds: 0. 

I hurriedly walk to class, having lost time trying to decide between getting a plastic spoon or a whole packet with extra but albeit compostable utensils. I go right past the health check station and since I am on the verge of being late and I don’t have any symptoms and I mean, no one really checks anyways, I decide I’m good. Besides, I’m built different. 

Time ticks at a decelerated rate, which gets me thinking about the sloth from Zootopia and by the time I realize it, I’ve missed half the slides. Too bad they’re not on Canvas where I can just go over them later …

 Thankfully, 10:20 finally shows up on my watch. It’s uGather today! I walk down to the church, pull my phone out, scan the barcode, walk in, survey the crowd and walk right back out, pretending I’m on the phone having a serious conversation with my mother. I don’t know, something about being in an enclosed space with enthusiastic speakers intensely verbalizing with no mask on doesn’t click with me. I’m sure Jesus understands and my salvation isn’t at stake, nor my diploma. Thursday naps are wonderful. 

Lucky for me, I only have one more class. In no time, I find myself at the cafe. I’ve come to notice that my happiness is related to the meals being served at the cafe, peaking at Tuesday and Wednesday lunches — if you know, you know. I see my friends all in one booth. However, they are not built different, so I go eat in my room. 

The rest of my day passes by uneventfully. I’m so glad that my professors are understanding, given the pandemic and everything; I can’t imagine the workload if we weren’t in a pandemic. After many hours of studying for five minutes and taking Instagram breaks for ten, I decide to go relax in the Student Center. I go with my fingers crossed, hoping today will be the day my friends and I can have it to ourselves! I stop believing in crossed fingers; today, like every other day, they’re there. I wonder what it would take for them to NOT be there for just one night! Unable to speak to a manager, I turn to the next best thing: uc_confessions. 

Before I know it, it’s time for me to head back to my room. I go back, get ready for bed, and in what can only be a subconscious act of self-loathing, turn on the same alarm for tomorrow. 

Dad Joke of the Week

What do you get when you cross Kanye West and Mexican cuisine?

Kanye Asada

Samuel Ortiz is a Sophomore

Nursing Major from

Orlando, Florida