Trump: Mastermind Researcher? - A Look at Things in an Alternate Universe
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a shocking turn of events, President Donald J. Trump posted on Twitter in the early morning of September 19, 2020 what some are calling “the tweet heard ‘round the world”. In the president’s words: “For the past four years I have been running a social experiment. My actions do not represent who I am as a person. No hard feelings @ United States of America?”
Ever since taking office, controversy has surrounded the otherwise prestigious Trump and his ever changing Cabinet. Once decried as “racist, incompetent, a joke, that guy from Home Alone” and much more, his critics are now praising him for his bravery and outstanding strategy, with nominations for the Nobel Peace Prize and an Oscar for Best Actor.
In a White House press conference today, Press Secretary Kayleigh McEnay further explained what the President meant. “When President Trump told voters that he was going to drain the swamp, he meant it. However, to drain a swamp you must first get dirty and swallow in the muck. With him having exposed the swamp for what it is, he no longer has any need to continue being president. He is dropping out of the presidential race and is going to focus on publishing the results of his four year long study.”
When asked by a CNN reporter about how he feels about the impact of all his “harmful laws, actions and procedures,” McEnay responded, “Look, science is a challenging thing. The president feels that the benefit of the research far outweighs any negatives a small percentage of the population may have experienced. He was also testing to check how our judicial and legislative systems are working, so if anything, you should hold them accountable for not having done their job.”
Leaders across the globe have been reacting, with very mixed reactions. Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau reposted a meme saying “Trump: It’s just a prank bro. America: Am I a joke to you?” along with four laughing emojis. Supreme Leader Kim Jong-un sent a televised broadcast calling Trump “a genius...can’t wait to read his research.” and our sources say President Vladimir Putin was heard cursing and saying “о нет” which roughly translates to “Oh no.”
As this story unfolds, one can only say “God Bless America.”
This story is still under development, with updates to come as we get more information.
Dad Joke of the Week:
What do you call a mini Trump?
A trumpette.
Samuel Ortiz is a Sophomore
Nursing Major from
Orlando Florida