Adventist Slang: Health Edition

Welcome to yet another edition of Adventist Slang. Today we talk about health. If you haven’t figured it out yet, one of Adventist’s favorite outreach programs is the health message. The church loves to connect with potential members through the concept of healthy living through biblical practices. I don’t claim to be a health expert in any way, shape or form, but I do know that Adventists have a few slightly obscure health related sayings that can be a bit confusing.

-        The health message: The main component of the health message is defining what is and isn’t considered kosher. There are different levels depending on your geographical separation from Berrien Springs (see Adventist Slang: The Great Controversy edition), but there is one solid rule of thumb you can follow: Eat no meat, but enjoy all the Little Debbies you want (Little Debbie snacks are manufactured by Adventists in Tennessee.)

-        Soy flu: This is what Adventists got instead of the Swine flu. Why? We don’t eat meat (especially the unclean meats, which is a whole other issue). Getting the Swine flu is impossible for any legitimate Adventists, let alone vegetarians/vegans. The common substitute for meat is soy. Therefore, we all had Soy flu.

-        144k: Ugh, marathons, am I right? Long distance running is the worst, and a 144k run is just absolute insanity. This is the longest race you’ll ever run, and there aren’t even gold, silver and bronze medals for the top performers. Everyone in the 144k gets the same participation prize of heaven.

-        Blue Zone: The Adventist mecca of Loma Linda is one of five places in the world that qualifies as a Blue Zone. A Blue Zone is a place where people are extremely healthy and tend to live longer. How? They follow the advice above, of course (and maybe get ahold of whatever miracle Queen Elizabeth got that’s kept her kicking all these years).

The health message can be quite confusing, can’t it? The Adventist Church loves using the mass confusion surrounding healthy living to introduce people to the church. It’s an effective method for obvious reasons. I mean, if you live in the right place as an Adventist, you’re bound to live longer. Who wouldn’t be interested?

Lacey Stecker is a sophomore

communication major from

Noblesville, Ind.