Adventist Slang: Heathen Addition

Welcome to the end of the school year, and with it, the final edition of Adventist slang! Through the course of this year, we have learned a plethora of Adventist terms used only within the Adventist church. As I was taught growing up, I have saved the best for last. So, sit back, relax and enjoy Adventist slang: heathen edition.

-        The Antichrist: One of the scariest things in prophecy is the rise of the Antichrist. In our culture, we like to blame the Catholics for everything, so they must be involved. The mark of the beast? Catholics will be the first to get it. Sunday laws? Catholics will be promoting and enforcing them.

-        Sunday Heathens: Since it’s not the true day of worship, Sunday is our day to go shopping. So why the long lines at Walmart on Sunday mornings? As I’ve said before, what can be blamed on Catholics, will be blamed on Catholics. They’re not even serious about keeping their fake holy day sacred. Instead of attending mass, they plague us on our special day.

-        The Crusades: We don’t lay any claim to those violent campaigns. Did the crusades happen before the Protestant Reformation? Yes. So, it was the Catholics’ fault for leading people so far astray. Should we teach the world about God and lead it to Christianity? That’s our mission plan too, but warfare is not the way to go.

-        The Pope: Remember how I said we blame the Catholics for the mark of the beast? Although rarely said out loud, for fear of resurrecting our ‘Catholic bashers’ label, it’s generally agreed upon in Adventist culture that the Pope is the terrible beast who will ultimately bring about the end of the world.

And with a final jab at traditional Adventist views, Adventist slang must now come to a close. I hope you’ve had as much fun reading these articles as I’ve had writing them. To those graduating, congratulations! To those returning in the fall, see you then.

Lacey Stecker is a sophomore

communication major

from Noblesville, Ind.