Studying abroad: Looking back before moving forward

I’m going to study abroad in Austria! 

It feels surreal writing that. Even now when my bags are mostly packed and my plane ticket is bought, I still can’t quite grasp it. I’m sure I’ll feel this way until I step foot in Austria. This trip has been a dream of mine since the seventh grade.

During one of the last days of school, my English teacher, Mrs. Woodworth, had us write letters to our future selves. She promised to mail them back to us once we graduated. I solemnly sat down to begin the momentous task of communicating with the future. I wrote about my dreams for the future, my crushes, struggles going on at home, everything and anything my future self might be concerned about. After filling three pages, I turned in the letter, left for lunch and forgot about it. 

Fast forward five years later, to the summer before college, when I opened an envelope and was greeted with my own sloppy penmanship from the seventh grade on three sheets of paper. Smiling in surprise, I sat down at the dinner table and began reading.

I had written an awful lot. I laughed at what I had considered important at the time, my opinion of boyfriends and my erroneous predictions of the future. Underneath all of that though, there was a tinge of sadness. So much had changed. I had changed, grown up overnight. As I looked back at myself through this letter, I admired the energy and joy about life that I seemed to have at that age. 

I had so many dreams at that age. Some of them were outlandish ideas; one of them was to study abroad in Europe. I had always been fascinated with the history, culture and art there. The beautiful old cities there had been home to some of my favorite writers and painters. I dreamed of walking down the streets in strange beautiful towns. 

Sitting at the table, I realized that I had really stopped dreaming. I had grown up and in my effort to do so I had left behind things that I thought were childish. I had given up my lofty dreams. I was going to college, but I still wasn’t sure what I was going to major in. (Everyone advised me towards something ‘practical’). I felt like I had become a passenger instead of being the driver on the road of life. I was just letting life pass me by. After reading this letter, I realized that I wanted to be more like who I was when I had written that letter. I wanted to follow through on one of my lofty dreams. I didn’t exactly know how, but I was going to study abroad. 

So, amid a global pandemic, I began planning to study abroad, and now, one year later, I’m going.

Sierra Lastine is a

junior English and foreign language major

from Junction, Colorado