Are aliens real?
How’s it going, uFam? Hope you all are having a great day not finishing that paper you know is due tonight! If you could do me a favor and use those beautiful eyes to read this amazing story I’ve procured for you today. If you’re a fan of the spooky and extra terrestrial, this story is for you!
So I’m sure you’ve all seen the aliens that were discovered recently, especially due to the fact that many government officials tied to the discovery have been insisting that they are real. Could these little green men truly be the first sign of life that we’ve seen? Are these ancient aliens our predecessors? Are they coming back one day to take their planet back?!
Of course not, silly.
Anyone who believes that those Party City decoration looking things are real can give my big toe a nice big kiss! The second I saw those aliens I felt offended, offended that those pulling the hoax think that we would be so dumb as to believe that those aliens that look like a fifth-grader’s failing art project are real. Especially due to the fact that I HAVE been abducted and I know what aliens really look like! “Woah Mason, you’ve been abducted by aliens?” Erm, ga-doy, and this is how it happened:
I remember it like it was yesterday; it was a dark night, light rain, the air felt cold. I was walking to my car when two bright lights flashed before me, blinding me temporarily. Though my vision had left me, I could still make out the two figures walking up to me; their long, skinny arms, big heads, and pungent odor. “Who are you, what do you want?” I whimpered to them. “We have plans for you, big plans, important plans,” said one of the aliens. I was in utter fear, I knew these beings were of unimaginable power so I had no choice but to follow their every command. As they pulled me to my feet, the other alien handed me a cloth. “Ether,” he said to me in his mystical voice. As we all know, ether is a substance used by aliens to maintain life while on earth, so of course I had to try some for myself. After I gave the rag a little sniff I began to lose consciousness; the magic was too strong for a wee human such as I! The last thing I remember was being pulled into their pearlescent white spacecraft and the door sliding shut behind me.
The next day I awoke in the middle of a Denny’s parking lot. Kind of them to drop me off somewhere I could get some delicious food! Denny’s, Welcome to America’s Diner. I slowly rose to my feet and felt a sharp pain in my head. I could tell that I had been filled with knowledge of the universe, and with that knowledge I was able to find my way all the way back to campus! Call me ET, because I was coming home, and with a great story to tell!
By Mason Piva