IRR grads encouraged to join “The Paw Patrol”
Nurses and doctors are all well and good for long-term health problems, but who will help those same nurses and doctors when an avalanche speeds toward them in a foreign country? This is where international rescuers and relievers come in. If a doctor walked onto what he or she presumed to be regular sand, only to discover that it was, in fact, quicksand rapidly swallowing them into the earth, then who will come to their rescue/relief? If a travel nurse travels by boat outside of his or her home country and finds his or herself swirling down a treacherous whirlpool, who will arrive on the scene to internationally rescue or relieve that same travel nurse? I’m asking you, the reader. If you said, “International Rescuers/Relievers,” then you would be correct.
After long and storied careers at Union College, many International Rescue and Relief majors are looking toward the future. Four years of climbing the Don Love building must pay off at some point. Preferably, this payoff would be in the form of long-term employment as a professional rescuer on an international scope. One student is quoted as saying, “Surely there is some type of agency hiring long-term employees for the sole purpose of rescuing and relieving without requiring them to do any paperwork. There has to be. I bought this jumpsuit.” But no dice. It’s hard to find a job that allows you to travel the world doing nothing but rescuing people from extremely convoluted situations but not requiring you to ever answer an email.
One such agency does exist; however, it is a nontraditional one. It is one of the most exclusive and professional agencies in the world of rescue/relief. Members are required to fulfill very specific qualifications that no college, not even Harvard University, could ever hope to teach its students. All members of this agency are, to put it plainly, dogs. Of the seven employees, only one is a human. This human is a young child named Ryder, who runs a gang of vehicle-operating dogs.
When Union’s IRR students petitioned their program for employment options that involved nothing but rescuing, the school suggested that they join the Paw Patrol. When the students expressed confusion and frustration with this, their professors said, “Maybe try the Wonder Pets? Humans don’t usually get to make rescuing and nothing else a career. Usually, there’s at least one grant proposal to be written or a fire to be put out.”
Despite Paw Patrol’s (frankly discriminatory) practice of hiring only dogs, our sources say that at least one IRR major has filled out an application to apply.
By Luke Morris