Don’t be a Bum this Banquet

Simple but surefire ways for the fellas to guarantee a date

Well U-Fam, it's getting to be that time of year. The sun is shining, the birds are out and importantly, banquet is around the corner. Now I know that may have send shivers down your spine because you just realized “*gulp* oh no, I haven’t asked my crush to banquet yet!” Worry not young grasshopper, for I have all the tips you need to guarantee a successful ask. This article is one for the U-Fellas! (U-Queens feel free to keep reading but spoiler alert for how you may be asked out!)

Alright let's get started. First thing’s first you gotta come dressed to the nines to show that you mean business. The best thing to wear that fully completes any outfit is a nice fancy fedora and Groucho glasses. Fellas I promise you once she sees that dapper headwear and thick facial hair, she knows you’re a man of action, class, and mystery. Now that the looks are in order we can start to talk about the man in the mirror (hee hee). When you’re asking someone to banquet you want to show that you want to show her off, that you’d be honored to bask in her presence in the coming days which means fellas, you gotta do this public and you gotta do it big.

I recommend doing it in the Cafe, now someone like me would put together a flash mob (everyone loves flash mobs) but I think jumping up on her table while she’s eating will suffice. Now that you’re up there standing tall, head 5 feet above the ground, it’s time to pop the question. Drop to your hands and knees, look her dead in the eyes and say the following line, “Her name here, please go to banquet with me I’m begging, I’m pleading, I am but a worm forced to grovel upon the dirt and feces of the earth and you’re an angel sent to pick me up from the carapace of this sinful world. Fellas, this is a guarantee from yours truly that this method will 100% work. 

Now that you’ve got your date all set up it's time for you to leave the nest. To think, it feels like just yesterday you were only one paragraph into this article *sniffle*. Easy there champ, enjoy your time at banquet but be careful, if other ladies see you pull this method, they might be hot on your tail too! Above all else be sure to ask responsibly because as I mentioned before this method is 100% guaranteed to work. Remember U-Fellas, with great asking comes great responsibility.

By: Mason Piva