Emails We All Won't Send

A List Of Our Cowardice From Confrontation

There are two types of emails on campus: the ones we send, and the ones we wish we could send but don’t—because we still want to graduate. These are the messages that sit in our drafts folder, whispering “coward” every time we scroll past them. Here is a list of a couple of different ones. If any of these are sitting in your drafts right now, this is your sign to send them.

1. The Professor Email You’ll Never Send

Subject: Hi Professor, I Have No Idea What’s Happening in This Class

Dear Professor,
Respectfully, I don’t understand a single thing in this course. I’ve been nodding for seven weeks like a dashboard bobblehead, but I don’t know what “syllabus” means anymore. You said to “refer to the textbook,” but the textbook referred me to Jesus. Also, is the assignment due tonight or yesterday? Please advise before I cry in your office hours.
Sincerely, A Student in Academic Freefall

Instead, we send:
Hi Professor, just double-checking clarity on assignment deadline :) Thank you so much!
And then immediately throw our laptop into a lake from stress.

2. The Advisor Email of Doom

Subject: Please Tell Me What to Do with My Life

Hello Academic Advisor,
I hope you're well! Quick question: how do I graduate? I’ve taken 87 credits, all of them electives somehow. According to DegreeWorks, I’m minoring in Business, Anthropology, and Existential Crisis. Will emailing you fix this? Or do I simply walk into the ocean?
Warmly, Your Most Confused Advisee

What we actually send:
Hi! Just wondering if you have any time to discuss my schedule? No rush!
Then we sit in silence for three weeks waiting for a reply that says, “Sure, how about May 2027?”

3. The Group Project Honesty Email

Subject: Please Do Literally Anything

Hey Team,
I don’t mean to be dramatic, but if no one contributes to the Google Slides by tonight, I will spontaneously combust. Sarah, your only slide so far says “Title.” Brian, your slides have the little emojis on the information, like you used Copilot on the entire thing, and I’m 90% sure you're a stock photo. I’m attaching the rubric. Again.
Best, The Only Person Who Cares

But instead, we type:
Hi guys! Just a friendly reminder about the slides :) Let me know if you need anything!
…and then emotionally adopt caffeine as our new family.

4. The Financial Aid Email (Drafted at 2 a.m.)

Subject: Hello, Is Money Real or a Concept?

Dear Financial Aid Office,
It’s me again. FAFSA has forsaken me. My account says I owe $4,000 by Friday. I currently possess $17 and a granola bar. Is bartering still allowed?
Best wishes, Future Debt Owner

So yes, campus email is an art form. We may never send the emails we truly want to, but at least our drafts know who we really are: tired, confused, and dangerously close to replying-all.

By Lily Morris