Best Birthday Ever!
Said Absolutely No One
In case anybody reading was wondering, YES… I turned a year older this week, which means I woke up fully expecting at least a modest parade; nothing extravagant, just a marching band, confetti cannon, and maybe a float or two… nothing fancy. Instead, the first thing I saw when I looked at my phone? 14+ Canvas notifications and an email that read, Dear Student, looks like you have missing assignments… Let me tell ya, nothing, and I mean NOTHING, kills birthday magic faster than being academically scolded before you’ve even brushed your teeth.
By 9 a.m., I marched into the dining hall fully committed to the idea of a perfect birthday breakfast, the kind of meal that would set the tone for a day of joy, celebration, and maybe even a parade, if the universe finally decided to get its act together. But the moment I took five steps into the café, the dream collapsed. The only things waiting for me were tofu eggs that looked like they’d given up on life and those sad, soggy strips the dining hall insists on calling hash browns. Nothing says “Happy Birthday!” quite like food that tastes like it was cooked by someone who resents you personally.
By the time I finally made it to my afternoon classes, I had fully accepted that the universe was not planning to celebrate me in any meaningful way. I mean, even the sky was mocking me with a monotone, disgusting shade of grey. I sat down, ready to at least coast through a lecture in peace, when my professor opened with, “Happy… Thursday!” as if the day itself were the one being honored. I briefly considered raising my hand to correct him, “Actually, it’s my birthday, thank you,” but decided against it, mostly because I didn’t want to be the person who announces their birthday in a 2 p.m. gen‑ed. I have to hold a little shred of self-respect, right? Instead, I nodded along while he explained something about the Industrial Revolution, which felt personally rude given that I was trying to have a whimsical, main‑character moment. Every time my phone buzzed, I hoped it was a birthday message, but no—it was Canvas again, reminding me that joy is temporary and deadlines are forever.
So this is for everybody who’s had a dreary, school‑filled birthday on campus; the kind where Canvas is louder than any celebration, and the dining hall feels like a personal attack. May your classes be swift, your assignments merciful, and the universe throw you at least one small, ridiculous moment that makes you laugh on the walk back to your dorm. And above all, may your friends remember – not because you reminded them three times – but because, even in the chaos of college life, you deserve a little parade on your day.
By Lily Morris