Adventist Adjectives

Photo by  Tamara Menzi  on  Unsplash

Disclaimer: This issue of The Clocktower is 98 percent fake news and 100 percent awesome. The events described are fictitious and any similarities to real world people or events are a coincidence. April Fools! If you have concerns or complaints please write them down, put them in a bottle and gently place the bottle in Holmes Lake. We’ll get back to you as soon as possible!


The General Conference has come to the realization that many of the youth in the church are struggling to find  appropriate ways to verbally express themselves. Thus, the conference has released a list of acceptable words for when we’re upset for us to teach our next generation.

  • Crumb muffin

  • Jumping Jelly beans

  • Kall Ba Ka

  • Fishsticks

  • Cornucopia

  • Son of a nutcracker

  • Smack smugal

  • Morphin Moses

  • Monkey Muttin

  • DeFur

With these new ways for the youth of the church to express themselves, they can be sure to stay in the faith.

Jovan Cross is a senior studying graphic design.