uDate: Union College’s Dating App

PC: Kayla Potts

PC: Kayla Potts

Disclaimer: This issue of The Clocktower is 98 percent fake news and 100 percent awesome. The events described are fictitious and any similarities to real world people or events are a coincidence. April Fools! If you have concerns or complaints please write them down, put them in a bottle and gently place the bottle in Holmes Lake. We’ll get back to you as soon as possible!


Union College is instituting a new dating app for Union students. Union’s administration has been developing this app for the past year to replace the Peanut Gallery (PG.) “We’ve been looking for a more dating-focused, online friendly version of the Peanut Gallery and decided to create an app which has the same feel as the printed PG with better results” said Vickie McBride head of Union relations.

Using a complex algorithm, uDate will match people using information from a questionnaire that all participating students will be required to fill out after downloading the app.

When a participant’s phone is within 5 feet of another single Unionite who meets that participant’s criteria, the phone will send a notification. Because this could pose a problem during those busy café rushes, there’ll be a way to turn this setting off or activate it according to one’s schedule.

The app will also have a premium feature which will be available to those who’ve completed their worship requirements the previous semester. This feature will allow students to see other member’s full profiles and will include personalized, appropriate date options. “This app will eliminate all of those embarrassing moments when you ask someone out on a date only to realize they already have a boyfriend,” commented senior music major Hector Crane.

For those who’ve already found that special someone, IMC will be working on a second app called uSocial which will help married people find friends. This app will also include a link to the advice section of uDate, where married individuals can explain to their single friends the best ways to get that ring.

“College administration is concerned about the high percentage of Union students who are graduating unmarried”, explained McBride. To help build up a membership, administration is giving every Union student who signs up for the uDate app during the week after it goes live a gift card to The Mill for a small black decaf coffee.

The uDate app will be available through a link on uGroups and through the app store by fall semester 2019.

Maegan Luckiesh is a senior studying graphic design.