BarelyAdventist Becomes a Weekly Newsletter

PC: Britni Conrad

PC: Britni Conrad

Hardly Worthy

Disclaimer: This issue of The Clocktower is 98 percent fake news and 100 percent awesome. The events described are fictitious and any similarities to real world people or events are a coincidence. April Fools! If you have concerns or complaints please write them down, put them in a bottle and gently place the bottle in Holmes Lake. We’ll get back to you as soon as possible!


The Barelyadventist (BA) blog has been around since Noah’s flood and is finally receiving official recognition by the office of the General Conference (GC). Since the invention of the internet, the BA site has been known for posting satirical articles and is often perused by most anyone who uses the internet.

They’re known for their satirical articles and comical approach to everyday “struggles” of the modern Adventist. They often mock “Adventist-y” things like obsession with tofu and yeast flakes, how every Southern Adventist University student gets engaged before graduation and how every young Adventist girl has switched her degree to nursing.

For the past couple of years, the GC has been going back and forth on their decision to officially endorse the Barelyadventist news page, due to the relevancy of the news. Through much prayer and consideration during the annual meetings, they’ve determined that we have many options for every part of the church: preschoolers have Our Little Friend, school age children have the Primary Treasure, young adults have Guide and Young Disciple and the adults have the quarterly study guide, but one group is left out—the sarcastic.  

A part of a North Eastern conference, Seventh-day Adventist church elder Lef Tout told us how he felt about the news. “I just can’t believe this day is finally here. I mean, I’ve been following the page since day one and to know they’re finally supported by the church means the world to me. I feel like I have something I can relate to.”

Churches around the world have jumped at the new opportunity and over 150 small groups have been formed to study the pages of Barelyadventist. “The news is just so relevant to today’s world. We feel like we have so much ground to cover and have so much to learn from the depth and the hidden meanings within the pages.” says small group leader Reed Iculous.

The head editor of an Adventist publishing house has also disclosed, “We are definitely looking forward to having another column within our magazines and other prints. We look forward to an increase in readership.”  

As the Barelyadventist team transitions into its new role, they’ll also be transitioning to the GC office where an space has been cleared out specially for the BA team. Jus Keding stated, “We’re so excited to be moving forward to this new opportunity and can’t wait to see the Barelyadventist in print!”

Barelyadventist will be a great addition to Sabbath mornings and will surely become a favorite.

Kasondra Reel is a senior studying nursing.