Become the Protagonist: The One You Love to Hate

Let’s face it. Popularity is overrated. In every teen movie, TV show and book, the popular people are the bad guys. They’re pretentious, snobbish and obscenely attractive. It’s the nerds, outcasts, downtrodden and generally hated that we root for every time. So why would I waste your time teaching you how to be popular? Instead, I’m going to give you some tips to help you become the most despised person on your hall.

1)     Rearrange your room late at night or early in the morning. Now, I know what you’re thinking, “Moving my textbooks doesn’t make that much noise. How would this make me a hated person?” Well my friend, you just aren’t thinking big enough! The beds are far too heavy for one person to lift. Scrape your bed across the floor and everyone will immediately wake up ready to help…beat you senseless.

2)     Slam your door every time you enter or exit your room. This is a simple, almost mindless action that will make every person on your hall cringe with anger. But who would ever stop you? It’s a one second annoyance that will ruin anyone’s day.

3)     Sing as loudly as you possibly can. This works best if you sing terribly to something overplayed like “Baby Shark.” Sing loud and proud at 3 a.m. for maximum impact. The worse you sing and the more annoying the song, the more detested you will become.

4)     Leave your alarm ringing. ALL. MORNING. LONG. You want to annoy everyone on your floor in one simple step? Set your alarm to the loudest possible setting and let it ring the entire time you’re getting ready for class. Bonus points if the alarm tone is the song you sang at 3 a.m.

5)     Burn your food. Although sound is highly conducive to annoyance, smells will drive even the most patient citizen mad because there’s nothing they can do to ignore the problem. For this tip, any food will do. The smell of anything burning causes deep loathing for the fool who ruined perfectly good food.

Remember, popularity in the present is the enemy. By following these guidelines, people will shun you now. But you’re the author of your memoir, and your future readers and watchers will love you for all your “adorkable” qualities.

Lacey Stecker is a Sophomore

Communication Major from

Noblesville, Indiana