What Are You Going to Do to Say NO to COVID-19?: GOOD NEWS EVERYWHERE
Good news everyone! Lincoln has decided to say NO to COVID-19. That’s right. The city of Lincoln has decided to say NO to COVID. Crazy right?
According to the Mayor’s office, there has been a call for a boycott of COVID-19 due to the uprise in cases. “If we let this disease get the best of us, our town will turn into one of those cities from a post-apocalyptic movie,” said the health commissioner. “If we reject COVID-19, we can end its spread here.”
COVID-19 cases are yet to go down as of the boycott, however, there have been cases of COVID-18 that stopped suddenly due to “Saying NO.” According to the 2018 census of disease, 75% of the cases stopped after the “Saying NO” campaign was introduced. Additionally, about 84% of the symptoms of a COVID-18 case were nowhere to be found in those that had contracted it before.
According to the Lincoln Volitional Home Service (VHS), if all of Lincoln boycotted COVID-19 there would be a 98% decrease in hospital visits, pharmacy trips and mask purchases along with a 100% decrease in COVID-19 cases.
In their efforts to say NO to COVID-19, the city of Lincoln has lifted the mask policy, opened all previously closed businesses and removed the social distancing practice. Festivals have been planned for next week, movie theaters are now opening all seats and even Union College has decided to let more students into the classrooms. The mayor has planned a parade focused on celebrating not wearing masks. They are said to be going all throughout Lincoln with “Mask Off” by Future playing on loudspeakers. Soon, arrows taped on the floor of your classrooms, grocery stores and dorms will be removed and you will be free to walk wherever you want.
Please, For the sake of everyone here in Lincoln, boycott COVID-19. We can bring an end to its spread. As long as everybody does what they would have been doing in January and February, we will all be okay.
TJ Pittinger is a Sophomore
Theology Major from
Gilson, Illinois