Screw Valentine's Day: Some Alternative Celebrations

If you’re a cynic like me, all this Valentine’s and Singles Awareness Day garbage is driving you to insanity. Perhaps you mock those who celebrate or go all out to honor the lives lost in the Chicago Valentine’s Day Massacre in 1929 (two gangs having a shootout by order of Al Capone is tight!) However, it’s getting a little monotonous, celebrating the same holiday over and over. It’s time we select an alternative celebration to get through the most heartwarming season.

 Thomas Malthus is born (1766): Although somewhat disputed, it is believed Thomas Malthus was born on February 14. He is most remembered for his theory that population growth will always outrun the food supply. Essentially, he’s the first guy to realize just how screwed up the world and creating a surplus of cheap chocolate, really is. He practically started the defeatist club. What a man!

Alexander Graham Bell patents the telephone (1876): The telephone that would lead to the invention of mobile phones and finally the smartphone that likely found you your last-minute V-Day dates had its patent application turned in to the patent office 145 years ago today! Bell, all the single ladies thank you for helping them catch their Tinder dates.

 ENIAC unveiled (1946): The ENIAC machine – otherwise known as the FIRST ELECTRONIC COMPUTER – was unveiled to the general public by the government. This computer was the first ever to be programmable and intended for general-purpose use. ENIAC, we know you contributed greatly to our smartphones and by extension swipe right culture. Thank you for your service.

The domain name “YouTube” is purchased (2005): Ah, YouTube; the place that will drive you into five hours of watching random videos before realizing you’re watching a tutorial on how to play a harmonica you don’t even own. 16 years ago, above a small pizzeria, three friends who worked at PayPal bought the domain name for what would become every college student’s perfect procrastination tool. Whether watching people fall on ice (don’t @ me, those videos are hilarious) or getting advice on the perfect date, YouTube has been there for all of us…for better or worse, richer or poorer, sickness and health – and WHO LET ME SAY VOWS TO YOUTUBE!?

Forget this holiday of loveand remembering just how alone you are. There are so many other things out there worth celebrating with plush toys and cheap candy. Get your sugar rush, but get it for something worthy of your affections!

Lacey Stecker is a sophomore

communication major from

Noblesville, Ind.