The Anti-Valentine's Day Club: How I, an Ex-Member, Redefined the Love Holiday

I am this many years old and I think I’m finally beginning to understand what Valentine’s Day is about. For years, I have hated Valentine’s Day, genuinely. I was part of the anti-Valentine’s Day club. I could have filled in as acting president for a while. Great was my disdain for all things V-Day. 

Why? To use a popular phrase among my peers, “I had a bad experience.” Not just one, but several bad experiences compounded into a general animosity for a holiday meant to celebrate one of the greatest forces in the world: love. But as I’ve grown older, as I’ve been loved through my life by those around me, I have thankfully grown wiser. I realize now, that love is something to be valued and celebrated.

         Valentine’s Day is, in many ways, cliché and commercialized. There are the giant displays with hearts, cards, candy and bouquets of red roses that permeate grocery stores within hours of New Year’s Eve ending. There’s also the implied pressure of needing to find the perfect gift for your beloved. These are things about the holiday I still find ridiculous. 

         But what if we celebrated Valentine’s Day for what it actually represents? What if we celebrated self-love, love for one another, romantic love and the love that only God can express. If we were to take Valentine’s Day and, instead of candy hearts and warm fuzzies, we celebrated the feeling that connects us intimately with ourselves, with one another and with our Divine Creator, what would we have? 

         There are five main love languages that we use to connect with each other: words of affirmation, physical touch, gifts, acts of service and quality time. Imagine if we each took our main love languages and spent Valentine’s Day using these qualities to engage with those around us. Paying it forward with love, in a way. I think we’d see an outpouring of kindness and caring that goes beyond candy hearts and fancy dinners. I think we’d see connections made and lives touched because we’d actually be loving others in the active sense, in the way that God loves us. 

         I’m not saying you have to stop hating on Valentine’s Day if you’re in that camp or that you have to join the ranks of the lovey-dovey. I’m never going to be sold on the saccharine gooeyness of romantic comedies or Hallmark movies (bleck). However, for this Valentine’s Day, I challenge you to look outside the narrow definition of love as romance and consider what love – real love – truly means. Then, think of a way you can celebrate that love in your own life and with others. 

Happy Valentine’s Day everyone!

Ashley Woodruff is an adjunct faculty in the Divison of Human Development.