Get Out of Class Free Card

Three foolproof emails to send your professor
Have you ever needed an excuse to get out of class? Who am I kidding? Of course you have! You’re a college student. We’ve all been there, Ugh! I NEED to miss this class, I CAN’T take another lecture today, but I can’t afford another absence. Well, I have three foolproof emails to help you get excused from class. I have personally used every single one of these, and no one has batted an eye. So sit back, relax, and get that copy and paste button ready, because I have the solution for you. And if it doesn’t work, I, Lily Morris, take full responsibility for your actions. Even unrelated actions. I am legally responsible for anything you do after reading this article.

1. Dear Professor Last Name, I regret to inform you that I am currently trapped in a vehicular purgatory called 56th Street. I had every intention of arriving on time, but the cones had other plans. If I don’t make it to class, please know I fought bravely and valiantly against the no left turn signs. I’m praying I escape soon, either by car or merely running the long distance back to school; at this point, that would be a quicker fate. Thank you for understanding, and please go on without me; it’s what I would’ve wanted. With gratitude, [your name].

2. Dear Professor Last Name, While walking to your class, I seem to have slipped on a banana peel and broken my once-sturdy ankle. When the ambulance came and picked me up, I thought that was the last of it. However, some villain had painted the side of a mountain to look like a road, unbeknownst to the driver. At the top of this mountain was a grand piano store. The ambulance’s blow to the mountain’s side caused a mudslide that sent the store’s merchandise down on top of us. When they found me in the wreckage, my teeth had fallen out and been replaced by piano keys. See you next class period! Best, [your name].

3. Dear Professor Last Name, I happened to be talking with ChatGPT this morning, and we decided that my day is just too full to go to class. I know, it sounds crazy, but I’ve discovered that Chat is usually right about my life; it always seems to agree with me! So I agree with Chat’s opinion that I deserve a day off, regardless of the consequences. So thank you for your understanding. I will see you in the next class period, if Chat says it’s okay. Warmest Regards, [your name].

You're welcome, first of all. I know how hard it can be to decide which excuse to go with. But now, you don’t have to worry! At least, for the next three classes you miss. But use these with caution, and know that skipping class can have grave consequences, like having too much fun! I mean, you’ll miss work blah blah blah, and your education blah… Professors, please overlook this article; just know we probably have a good reason for missing class. Actually, probably not.

By: Lily Morris