The perfect debate
How are we feeling today U-Fam? Very presidential I hope! Did we happen to catch the debate last Tuesday? I sure did, and honestly, it was so entertaining on its own that I debated even writing about it in the first place! Honestly, what more could be said? As Americans however, we yearn for the ridiculous and foam at the mouth for the over-the-top. Even though the debate was undoubtedly ridiculous, is there anything that we could change to make it even more extravagant and therefore more American? *ear-piercing eagle screech*
The first thing I would do is to get rid of the ability to cut anyone’s mic. Not that it made any difference last Tuesday, because if one of the candidates has something to say then they need to be allowed to yell it out at any time! Following that, I’m not only bringing back the live audience, but multiplying it exponentially and selling tickets to the debate on SeatGeek where they can be scalped and sold for ridiculous amounts. With such a large crowd, the event will need a new venue and I’m thinking that Madison Square Garden would be the perfect place. To keep the crowd entertained, I’d also employ a decibel counter on the jumbotron and have the moderator, Michael Buffer, ask everyone to “make some noise” in between questions.
The candidates themselves will be accompanied by their VP picks and all four individuals will be placed inside a large cage in the middle of the venue. They can choose to either debate the topics given by the moderator and talk about their policies they’d put in place as president (BORING) or fight each other to grab the golden briefcase at the top of the arena which holds the deed to the white house and a guaranteed eight years in office. This would help to make sure the strongest candidate wins and would display to other countries that our president knows how to take the gloves off and throw down.
So grab your popcorn, get ready for the lasers, smoke machines and t-shirt cannons and brace yourself for when the crowd starts moshing because these are the presidential debates of tomorrow. Other countries will behold our unbridled American spirit and we’ll be able to elect the first president who can do a flawless piledriver while simultaneously taking a folding chair to the face. I hope you all like this idea and let me know what other ideas you may have!
by Mason Piva