The Seven Class Archetypes
Who Are You Today?
No matter what class you take, whether it’s Biology, English, or “Intro to Something You’ll Forget by Summer,” the same cast of characters always appears. So, sit back and try to figure out which one you are.
1. The Overachiever
You know them before they even speak. Their notes are color-coded, their handwriting looks like a font, and they’ve somehow already finished the final project that hasn’t even been assigned yet. They ask, “Just one quick question,” which accidentally exposes everyone else’s lack of understanding. The professor loves them. Deep down, everyone else both fears and admires their power.
2. The Philosopher
This person sits near the back and only raises their hand to ask questions like, “But what is reality?” during a basic PowerPoint presentation about photosynthesis. No matter the topic, they find a way to make it existential. The class could be about accounting, and they’ll still manage to bring up Nietzsche. You don’t know what their major is, and you’re afraid to ask.
3. The Ghost
This student appears on the roster but not in real life. You’ll catch a rare glimpse of them during midterms. They materialize for attendance, then vanish back into the dorms. And somehow, they still pass the class with a solid B. Scientists are still studying how.
4. The Chronic Question-Asker
Every class has one. They’re brave, curious, and completely unaware that class ended five minutes ago. They have follow-ups to their follow-ups. You can feel the collective soul of the class leave the room every time they raise their hand. Yet, when finals come, you realize you actually learned half the material because of them. Still, you’ll never forgive them for that one time they asked, “Wait, can you go back a slide?” when you were halfway out the door.
5. The Comedian
They sit in the back row, whispering commentary that deserves its own Netflix special. Their running jokes keep everyone sane during lectures that feel longer than the historical eras they’re about. They’ve never taken notes, but they’ve achieved renowned respect through utter stupidity. They’re also the reason the professor had to say, “Let’s keep side conversations to a minimum.”
6. The Human Disaster
They walk in late, every single time, carrying three coffees and the energy of someone who hasn’t slept since the Obama administration. Their laptop is at 2%, their backpack is a black hole, and their life is in shambles, but they’ll somehow give a brilliant presentation like it’s nothing. You don’t know how they do it. You just hope they make it.
By the end of the semester, you realize the truth: you are probably at least three of these people, depending on the day. Some mornings, you’re the Overachiever. Other days, you’re the Ghost. And occasionally, when a series of unfortunate events led you to class, you’re the Human Disaster. But that’s okay, these little personalities keep campus life interesting, even in the most boring of classes.
Class dismissed.
By Lily Morris